I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
