1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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