Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My life is pants optional.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
