I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
