You made me cry and you don't even care
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
