She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
