either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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