Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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