I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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