Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
