Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
