is wine microwaveable?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
