And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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