is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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