Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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