I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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