Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
