I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
