so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The adults are the big ones right?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
