Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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