I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
