Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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