I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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