So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
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