Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Dick very happy bro
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
