Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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