just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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