Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
