It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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