i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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