you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Ladies don't puke and tell
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
