IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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