I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
