shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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