a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
