it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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