Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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