i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
