Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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