Please don't use social media to get back at me.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
