im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
