i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
this hospital has no fireball
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
