Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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