He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
