I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
