i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
