I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
