You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
