Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
