Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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