he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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