WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
