I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
