So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
