It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
