the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
