So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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