I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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