Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
